I think too much

I told myself when I started this blog I wasn’t going to write about really personal stuff. I don’t want it to get all emo, but I got things on my mind, so feel free to skip this.

I was watching this documentary on gimp life and I was thinking on how although it’s an absolutely amazing documentary I felt it didn’t touch on a few things I thought it should.

It didn’t touch on how most of us cripples live below the poverty line, and how hard that is.

It made me think I should go right out and get a job. Then I remembered that while I could get a job that would pay the rent and feed me pretty easily, I would lose my insurance, not only does that insurance cover health, it covers my wheelchair ($14,000), and it covers my attendants ($10.50/hour, 40 hours a week). I couldn’t afford either one of those things on my own, and insurance that would pay for them would be way out of my range. So I guess I stay broke for now.

That made me think I need to go back to school, but even if I go get my bachelors degree, will I get a job that pays well enough to cover those expenses? I don’t know. I may end up being poor forever.

That makes me think I could be single forever. No girl wants to be with a guy who’s completely broke. Out of my three best friends 2 are married, one is engaged, one has a child and another one on the way, one has his first on the way. Meanwhile I’m not even dating. I’m pushing 30 and I’m way behind. It’s lonely, and I’m afraid it may be my reality for a while.

I hate nights like this, when I over think things. Hopefully when I wake up I’ll be over it.

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WWJD – What Would James Do?

Every once in a while someone will ask me what I would do if I had arms and legs for a (insert period of time here). I got asked that again today, and of course it got me thinking about it. What would I do? A lot of things, so I figure I’ll start a list.

I would jerk off – I love getting hand jobs ’cause hands down there is pretty foreign to me. If I had hands it’s like hand jobs anytime I want!

I would run – I would run until I was on the ground writhing in pain. Running seems amazing to me.

I would walk down the street – I have no idea what it’s like to go somewhere and not be stared at. I’d love to walk among a crowd and be anonymous.

I would ride a roller coaster – I’ve never been allowed on one for ‘insurance reasons’.

I’d shake someones hand – As stupid as that sounds, I’ve never done it.

I’d drive a car – Self explanatory.

I’d ride a bike – Also self explanatory.

I’d play a guitar – I don’t know how to play, but I’d do it anyway

I’d sky dive

I’d bungee jump

I’d pick a fight – I’d finally get punched

I’d hug my mom – She’d like that

I’d jump on a giant trampoline

I’d fly a plane – This is my fantasy, federal laws don’t apply

I’d Brumski Keith Malley – Just ’cause

I’d shoot a gun

I’d mosh

There are probably many more things I’m forgetting at the moment. I’ll add to this list as more comes to me.

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I Am Nothing Like Nick Vujicic

In the last year or so I have received the same forwarded email from at least three people. The email is about Nick Vujicic, the Australian evangelist born with no arms and no legs. Each sender tells me how similar we are, how we should meet, etc…

There are a few similarities. We both have the same disability with the same lack of scientific reason behind it.

Nick

NoArmsJames

That’s where the similarities end.

I have nothing against Nick personally, he seems like a nice guy. I do however have a problem with just about everything Nick does.

From his ministry web page:

It is a great privilege to welcome you to the Life Without Limbs.org website. My name is Nick Vujicic and I’m 25 years old. I was born without arms or legs and given no medical reason for this condition. Faced with countless challenges and obstacles, God has given me the strength to surmount what others might call impossible. Along with that, the Lord has placed within me an unquenchable passion to share this same hope and genuine love that I’ve personally experienced with more than two million people all over the globe.

I’ve already gone into this a little in my inspiration post. The strength he talks about doesn’t come from the invisible man in the sky, it comes from him. It’s his determination that got him over the obstacles he’s faced. That strength is within him, it’s not coming from somewhere else.

God has used me to let people know in countless schools, churches, prisons, orphanages, hospitals, stadiums and in face-to-face encounters with individuals how very precious they are to God. Secondly, it’s my pleasure to assure them that God does have a plan for their lives that is purposeful. For God took my life, one that others might disregard as having any significance and filled me with His purpose and showed me His plans to move hearts and lives toward Him. Understanding this, though faced with struggles, you can overcome too.

This is another major problem for me, the proselytizing. His whole deal is that if you’re in a shitty situation in life, you can fix it, but first you have to submit to gods will accept god as your lord and savior, or else your life has no purpose and you will rot in hell for all eternity, that’s how much god loves you. I get angry every time I hear something like this. Listen, you can have a wonderful, purposeful and moral life and be an Atheist, agnostic, or any other non-christian. All the tools are within you. You just have to dig deep to find them. It really bothers me that Nick uses his disability to trick poor people convert people to his way of thinking. In a way it’s a modern day freak show, with the added threat of eternal damnation if you don’t go see the attraction.

Trust me people, there is nothing miraculous about Nick. He’s a normal person with some unique circumstances. All of that strength comes from him and nowhere else. Look within when you need strength, not the sky, the results will be amazing.

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How I smoke (for Dina)

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There’s Something Not Right With You

I had no plans on going straight into college after High school. I hated school and after 12 years of it I wanted a break. All the adults around me felt differently though, and so under pressure I enrolled at…

Are You Inspired Yet?

You shouldn’t be.

People have told me I’m an inspiration before, and it seems like any time you see something on the news about cripples it’s some patronizing story about how inspiring gimpy mcgimp is. It’s bullshit.

I’m just living my life. I haven’t done anything particularly great to begin with, but for the sake of this post lets pretend I have. I’m just doing what you do. I want the same things you want.

Why is ot patronizing? It’s patronizing because by telling me that I’m inspiring for doing what I do you’ve basically just told me that I shouldn’t be doing the things you do, but somehow I’ve overcome everything and surpassed your extremely low expectations. Fuck you.

People also say if they were in my position, they couldn’t do it. Bullshit. You could be in my situation one of two ways.

1. Like me you were born this way

2. You were in an accident

If you were born this way you’d know no other way of life and you’d do what you do and get pissed every time you were called an inspiration.

If you were in an accident there would be an adjustment period, and most likely depression. But you’d come out of it, and when you did you’d move on with your life. That’s part of being human.

Disabled people aren’t really doing anything amazing, we’re just adapting to situations and circumstances, just like everyone else…It’s human nature. It’s not inspiring, it’s genetic.

Are all my faults inspirational too? I drink, I smoke, I swear, I’ve done drugs, I hate two people in this world and wish them nothing but misery, I’ve lied, I’ve stolen, I’ve cheated, I lust, i like meaningless sex, etc… I’m no different then most of you, and you sure as fuck aren’t inspiring.

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I Want To Get Punched

For some time now I’ve wanted to know what it’s like to be punched in the face.

Rules for dealing with cripples

In my 28 years of crippledness I’ve dealt with lots of people who all react differently to me, and probably a lot of other cripples they see. It can be quite frustrating, so I’m going to go over a few basics that you should follow when dealing with a cripple. Consider it cripple etiquette 101.