Rules for dealing with cripples

In my 28 years of crippledness I’ve dealt with lots of people who all react differently to me, and probably  a lot of other cripples they see. It can be quite frustrating, so I’m going to go over a few basics that you should follow when dealing with a cripple. Consider it cripple etiquette 101.

Don’t just stare at us

Seriously, I hate that. No matter how long you stare at me I’m not going to do a trick. And if you think you’re being sly about it and I don’t notice…I do. It’s rude and it’s insulting.

I’m not deaf or dumb

You don’t need to talk in a slow loud voice for me to understand you.  This is worse than staring, IMO. Why do you automatically assume that my lack of limbs equates to a lack of normal intelligence? When this happens I assume I am smarter than you and will take advantage of that fact.

Don’t pat me on the fucking head

Seriously. I’m not your dog or your kid

Don’t tell me “It’s great to see you out, buddy!”

Trust me, the feelings not mutual

Yes, I can have sex.

I like it too!

Ladies, stop telling me I’m a ‘great guy’

I’m really not. But beyond that I know that this is code for “You will never taste my punani”. Take a walk on the wild side. I’m just as capable of being an emotionally unavailable douchebag boyfriend as that jackass you were talking to earlier.

Don’t tell me I’m an inspiration

I’m going to delve into this with a lot more detail in another post, but for now just know it’s patronizing.

Don’t ask if I need help, and don’t just help uninvited either

I’m stubbornly independent. I hate needing help. Even if you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I do need help, wait ’till I ask.

If I’m out with my attendant, ignore her and talk to me

She’s there to hold my dick while I pee, not answer questions about me. She should be seen and not heard. Just pretend she’s not there. That’s what I do

If you’re my waiter/waitress and I’m out with people, don’t ask them what I want

Here’s a novel idea…ASK ME! It’s beyond insulting when you assume I can’t be trusted to decide what I want to eat.

I hear what you say about me

This goes back to me not being deaf. I was at a party once with a friend and a bunch of sluts and douches I didn’t know.  These two dudes sitting just a few feet away were whispering loudly about how fucked up I was…I CAN FUCKING HERE YOU!

There’s a lot more, I’ll add to this list as I think of more.

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