I think too much

I told myself when I started this blog I wasn’t going to write about really personal stuff. I don’t want it to get all emo, but I got things on my mind, so feel free to skip this.

I was watching this documentary on gimp life and I was thinking on how although it’s an absolutely amazing documentary I felt it didn’t touch on a few things I thought it should.

It didn’t touch on how most of us cripples live below the poverty line, and how hard that is.

It made me think I should go right out and get a job. Then I remembered that while I could get a job that would pay the rent and feed me pretty easily, I would lose my insurance, not only does that insurance cover health, it covers my wheelchair ($14,000), and it covers my attendants ($10.50/hour, 40 hours a week). I couldn’t afford either one of those things on my own, and insurance that would pay for them would be way out of my range. So I guess I stay broke for now.

That made me think I need to go back to school, but even if I go get my bachelors degree, will I get a job that pays well enough to cover those expenses? I don’t know. I may end up being poor forever.

That makes me think I could be single forever. No girl wants to be with a guy who’s completely broke. Out of my three best friends 2 are married, one is engaged, one has a child and another one on the way, one has his first on the way. Meanwhile I’m not even dating. I’m pushing 30 and I’m way behind. It’s lonely, and I’m afraid it may be my reality for a while.

I hate nights like this, when I over think things. Hopefully when I wake up I’ll be over it.

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