Values and whatnot

A couple of days ago I put a question out to two folks on Twitter asking them to ask me questions I could blog about. This is part two.

Marina responded with a bunch ‘o questions:

Marinaisgo @noarmsjames ohoh!! Uummmm! The value of education, food, your cat, dead michael jackson, dancing, fucking, perfume, grandmas, cookies. GO!!

Holy shit…

Education: Have you seen the kids today? They’re fucking retarded, so I would say education in it’s current state is shit, and it’s only getting worse. It’s a shame.
These days schools just try to jam facts down the kids throats so they can pass tests to make the school look good. If schools taught skills like critical thinking and common sense education would be great again, but as it stands now it’s rubbish.

Food: I honestly am not a huge fan of it. I eat so I don’t die, that’s about it. I wish we didn’t have to eat.

My cat: As I type this he’s making a shit ton of noise and running around like a mad man. He has destroyed all my furniture, will only shit when I’m in the bathroom showering or brushing my teeth. He covers his shit poorly so I am forced to smell it too. He does this on purpose. I live in constant fear of the next time he will attack my foot and not let go until blood is drawn, he won’t let anyone pet him, and sheds more than Farrah Fawcett after a chemo treatment (too soon?). Basically, he’s an asshole. However when I get into bed and he cuddles up next to me, nuzzling his head in between my neck and shoulder and purs me to sleep I remember why I love him so much and wouldn’t trade him for anything.

Dead Michael Jackson: Honestly, I could care less. I don’t care how talented he was, I find the worship of him after his death obscene. Good riddance.

Dancing: Have you ever seen a person in a wheelchair on the dance floor? It looks ridiculous. I don’t care for it one bit. I support the Footloose town elders.

Fucking: I haven’t had sex in a long time, too long. I love sex. Sex is amazing, and it’s so versatile. You can have dirty kinky sex with a total stranger and never see them again with no regrets, or you can make love to someone you love and feel connected to them in ways not possible without it. It’s great.
I also love the word fucking; it’s equally as versatile.

Perfume: Who cares? Go fuck yourself.

Grandmas: Depends. I miss my paternal grandma a ton. She was the best. She was always there for me. Interesting fact about her. She was married four times; she married three different guys all named Joe, and they all died. Then she married an older guy named Cliff who had health problems and he outlived her.
My other grandma….Just read this and draw your own conclusions.

Cookies: Although I don’t love food, I have a soft spot for peanut butter cookies…omnomnom!

I hope you feel closer to me now.

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New York

So I’ve neglected this blog for a long time. Oops. I literally get 5’s of people wanting me to update it more often, but I just haven’t been feeling creative. There have been two people who have been especially persistent about it; lovely kiwi Bebe and the also lovely and always masturbating Marina. These two are always pushing me to update.
So last night I sent a tweet to the both of them:

@bebe33 @Marinaisgo You must each pick one topic for me to blog about. Aaaaand go!

Bebe responded first with

@noarmsjames Something about your experience of NYC

And what Bebe wants, Bebe gets.

April 15th is a very important day, it’s my birthday! It’s also the birthday of the host of a little podcast known as Keith and The Girl. Like 5 people listen to it so you probably haven’t heard of it. So anyways, Keith (the host) is a huge fan of mine; I’m probably his favorite person in the world. So Keith learns about my birthday and decides that they should throw a huge party in my honor in NYC. Being modest I at first declined, but he is very persistent.
Now when I say huge party I mean huge! Two venues, 3 stand-up comics and a band. Somehow Keith got his 5 listeners to get a huge group of people to come to NYC for the party. It was huge!
I’m not going to go through a play-by-play of the whole night, but I’ll share some observations.

I’ve been to NYC many times. It has a special feel to it, one I can’t describe, but it’s unique to NYC; no other city big or small has that feeling.

Being a very old city, NYC is extremely wheelchair inaccessible. Everywhere we went that night had stairs, big flights of them. Thanks to extremely helpful KATG fan (and a good friend to boot) Kale and my best friend Bean we managed to navigate the stairs with minimal difficulty. Usually a non-accessible place doesn’t bug me, but with almost everywhere in the city being that way you can’t help but feel a little unwelcome.

NYC is also the only place I’ve been where people will literally stop in the middle of the sidewalk just to stare at me. They don’t care how blatant they are about it.

Pat Dixon is the worst comedian in the world. FUCK PAT DIXON!

KATG fans on the other hand are amazing. I’ve never felt so welcomed by a community. Everyone I met and talked to were great, and I can’t wait to hang out with everyone again.

All in all it was a great trip and a great way to spend my birthday. I wish I had one really great stand-out story from the trip, but the whole thing was amazing, and it went too fast.

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