Outrageous!

I guess I’m a little behind in the news, but I just learned that Max Hardcore was convicted on obscenity charges in Jun.
Now listen, I like to watch porn sometimes, I’m a normal guy. I’m not a fan of Max Hardcore movies, He gets pretty extreme in them. Seeing a chick choking on a cock and puking are not my thing. So you know what I do? I don’t watch his movies! Crazy right?
That being said, I’m outraged over his conviction. I’m outraged that a group of conservative Christians (retarded people) were able to get the Bush administration to create a group at the DOJ to go after adults producing films with consenting adults, made to be viewed by consenting adults.
I find it obscene that we have obscenity laws on the books in the first place. The community has no right to force it’s views on what is and is not acceptable to view by members of said community in the privacy of their own homes.
We have so many problems facing our country, and we waste our resources on charging & convicting adult pornographers? That’s fucking senseless.
People sometimes ask me why I’m so anti-religion (specifically Christianity), well shit like this is why. I’m sick of retards enforcing their hypocritical, uninformed opinions and morals on me and the rest of society.
Because I’m spiteful, and because I lack the conviction to take on these retards in any meaningful way, I’ve decided I’m going to write a hardcore porn. This porn will be called “Jesus: The Porn” and it will detail the life of Jesus starting with God and an angel double-teaming the “Virgin” Mary and end with Jesus getting blown by a dude while on the cross, with lots more good porn in between. I will then sell this script to a porn producer with the balls to make it. I will then giggle my crippled ass off at the outrage it creates while I cash royalty checks on it.

Suck on that, retards.

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Socially Retarded

Tonight I stumbled across a blog;Love On Wheelz, written by an 18 year old with MD. I suggest you read it.
A lot of our experiences have been similar. People talking to the people we’re with about us, people praying for us, etc… One post that struck me was this one, about being an adult but still having your parents make decisions for you and make you do things, simply because you can’t physically stop them. I was very lucky in this regard. The only thing I was ever made to do after turning 18 was go to school (well, there was my ex-stepmother basically pushing me out of the house but that’s another story for another time.). I really hated high school, and still hate almost everyone I went to school with so that pissed me off. Many cripples aren’t so lucky though. Most parents of cripples, though well-intentioned smother their little deformed genetic misfires too much. They make all their decisions for them, go everywhere with them, answer questions for them, and on and on. This socially retards the child even if there is nothing wrong with their minds.
I belong to a few Cripple groups on Myspace. In one of them there are a lot of members from FL. A few years ago they were planning a meetup, and one of the members; a girl in her 20’s, who worked, went to school, drove, but lived at home. She always seemed smart and independent. Her response to the meetup was that she’d like to go, but would need to ask her mom first. I chimed in, saying she didn’t need to, that she was old enough to make her own decisions (I might not have put it that way, I’m kind of a dick). Her response was basically that I was wrong and that it was her mothers responsibility to decide what was safe for her and if the people she would be around were safe. Holy brainwashing Batman!
This is the worst thing parents do to cripples. Our bodies are broken, not our minds (my penis is not broken, ladies…hello?). Please, for the love of Gary Busey stop smothering your crippled kids. If you don’t want us to fit in to the normal cripple stereotype, stop raising us with that mindset. Let your kid be as normal as possible.
When I was a youngin’ my parents were always there, always supportive of me, but took a very liberal approach to raising me (in some ways). They learned very early on that telling me what I was and wasn’t capable of wasn’t going to work. They would tell me I wouldn’t be able to do something so I’d turn around and do it just to spite them. They knew they couldn’t shield me from kids making fun of me, and they didn’t try. As a result I’m socially adapted, and able to take care of myself, make my own decisions.

Please parents, do the same for your cripple.

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Devotees, Fetishists, Wannabe’s and Fakers

Man this blog is all over the place, but it’s my blog so deal with it.
I’m going to talk a little bit about Devotees, Fetishists, Wannabe’s and Fakers as they pertain to disability culture; and more specifically the amputee culture. I realize that I’m not technically an amputee, but with my missing limbs it’s the group I identify best with.

First, a little background on each (as I see them):

Devotee: Sometimes known as a “devo”. Amputee devotees are usually male, though there are females as well. A devo is someone who feels a strong initial attraction to amputees. In my eyes it’s not all that different from someone liking blonde’s over brunettes, Asians over Caucasians, etc…

Fetishist: A fetishist is like a devo, but they view the person as an object. They will lie, pretend to be someone else, pretend to be interested in an amputee to get close to them, get what they want, regardless of the effect this has on the other person. It’s purely an attraction to the amputation for them.

Wannabe: A wannabe is someone who quite simply wants to be disabled

Faker: A faker is someone who wants to be disabled, so they pretend they are. They use crutches, wheelchairs, bind their limbs to look like an amputee, etc…

In my eyes devotees are ok. Ii like the idea of someone actually liking my disability, as opposed to just being ok with it. Devo’s actually care about the person they are with, not just the disability.

It’s the other three I’m not too fond of.

Fetishists are just creepy. They literally prey on the disabled. Just about any cripple online, including me has stories about these scum. Sometimes they come on directly, sending an IM or message telling you how beautiful you are then asking for pics with your shirt off, etc… The more sinister of them will pretend to be someone else, and try to lure you in. Once, shortly after I began being open about my disability online, I started communicating with “Zana”, a lovely young lady from Atlanta who claimed to be a devotee. We exchanged emails, “she” started asking a lot of questions about how I do what I do, etc…Pretty normal stuff. We got close. Shortly after “she” started asking for pics of me in my boxers and nothing else, close-ups of my shoulders, my foot, you get the idea. As soon as I said no, “she” disappeared. I found “her” once on a site that was exposing fetishists. It was a male fetishist who was doing this to a bunch of amputees. Creepy

Wannabes and fakers kind of creep me out too, but for different reasons. I cannot wrap my head around the concept of being able-bodied and not wanting to be. I realize that it’s similar to people who wish to be a different sex, and I get it intellectually, but not emotionally. People who wish to be a different sex don’t bother me at all, but wannabes and fakers do. I guess it’s because I’m in a way, what they desire to become, while I would do just about anything not to be like this.
I saw a documentary once on wannabes/fakers. There was a man who so desired to be an amputee. Doctors refused to amputate a healthy leg, so he took a shotgun and shot his leg off. I was so disturbed and angered by this that I was nauseous. I couldn’t watch the rest of the film.

Well, now you know a little tiny bit about dis culture, you’re welcome.

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I think too much

I told myself when I started this blog I wasn’t going to write about really personal stuff. I don’t want it to get all emo, but I got things on my mind, so feel free to skip this.

I was watching this documentary on gimp life and I was thinking on how although it’s an absolutely amazing documentary I felt it didn’t touch on a few things I thought it should.

It didn’t touch on how most of us cripples live below the poverty line, and how hard that is.

It made me think I should go right out and get a job. Then I remembered that while I could get a job that would pay the rent and feed me pretty easily, I would lose my insurance, not only does that insurance cover health, it covers my wheelchair ($14,000), and it covers my attendants ($10.50/hour, 40 hours a week). I couldn’t afford either one of those things on my own, and insurance that would pay for them would be way out of my range. So I guess I stay broke for now.

That made me think I need to go back to school, but even if I go get my bachelors degree, will I get a job that pays well enough to cover those expenses? I don’t know. I may end up being poor forever.

That makes me think I could be single forever. No girl wants to be with a guy who’s completely broke. Out of my three best friends 2 are married, one is engaged, one has a child and another one on the way, one has his first on the way. Meanwhile I’m not even dating. I’m pushing 30 and I’m way behind. It’s lonely, and I’m afraid it may be my reality for a while.

I hate nights like this, when I over think things. Hopefully when I wake up I’ll be over it.

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WWJD – What Would James Do?

Every once in a while someone will ask me what I would do if I had arms and legs for a (insert period of time here). I got asked that again today, and of course it got me thinking about it. What would I do? A lot of things, so I figure I’ll start a list.

I would jerk off – I love getting hand jobs ’cause hands down there is pretty foreign to me. If I had hands it’s like hand jobs anytime I want!

I would run – I would run until I was on the ground writhing in pain. Running seems amazing to me.

I would walk down the street – I have no idea what it’s like to go somewhere and not be stared at. I’d love to walk among a crowd and be anonymous.

I would ride a roller coaster – I’ve never been allowed on one for ‘insurance reasons’.

I’d shake someones hand – As stupid as that sounds, I’ve never done it.

I’d drive a car – Self explanatory.

I’d ride a bike – Also self explanatory.

I’d play a guitar – I don’t know how to play, but I’d do it anyway

I’d sky dive

I’d bungee jump

I’d pick a fight – I’d finally get punched

I’d hug my mom – She’d like that

I’d jump on a giant trampoline

I’d fly a plane – This is my fantasy, federal laws don’t apply

I’d Brumski Keith Malley – Just ’cause

I’d shoot a gun

I’d mosh

There are probably many more things I’m forgetting at the moment. I’ll add to this list as more comes to me.

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I Am Nothing Like Nick Vujicic

In the last year or so I have received the same forwarded email from at least three people. The email is about Nick Vujicic, the Australian evangelist born with no arms and no legs. Each sender tells me how similar we are, how we should meet, etc…

There are a few similarities. We both have the same disability with the same lack of scientific reason behind it.

Nick

NoArmsJames

That’s where the similarities end.

I have nothing against Nick personally, he seems like a nice guy. I do however have a problem with just about everything Nick does.

From his ministry web page:

It is a great privilege to welcome you to the Life Without Limbs.org website. My name is Nick Vujicic and I’m 25 years old. I was born without arms or legs and given no medical reason for this condition. Faced with countless challenges and obstacles, God has given me the strength to surmount what others might call impossible. Along with that, the Lord has placed within me an unquenchable passion to share this same hope and genuine love that I’ve personally experienced with more than two million people all over the globe.

I’ve already gone into this a little in my inspiration post. The strength he talks about doesn’t come from the invisible man in the sky, it comes from him. It’s his determination that got him over the obstacles he’s faced. That strength is within him, it’s not coming from somewhere else.

God has used me to let people know in countless schools, churches, prisons, orphanages, hospitals, stadiums and in face-to-face encounters with individuals how very precious they are to God. Secondly, it’s my pleasure to assure them that God does have a plan for their lives that is purposeful. For God took my life, one that others might disregard as having any significance and filled me with His purpose and showed me His plans to move hearts and lives toward Him. Understanding this, though faced with struggles, you can overcome too.

This is another major problem for me, the proselytizing. His whole deal is that if you’re in a shitty situation in life, you can fix it, but first you have to submit to gods will accept god as your lord and savior, or else your life has no purpose and you will rot in hell for all eternity, that’s how much god loves you. I get angry every time I hear something like this. Listen, you can have a wonderful, purposeful and moral life and be an Atheist, agnostic, or any other non-christian. All the tools are within you. You just have to dig deep to find them. It really bothers me that Nick uses his disability to trick poor people convert people to his way of thinking. In a way it’s a modern day freak show, with the added threat of eternal damnation if you don’t go see the attraction.

Trust me people, there is nothing miraculous about Nick. He’s a normal person with some unique circumstances. All of that strength comes from him and nowhere else. Look within when you need strength, not the sky, the results will be amazing.

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How I smoke (for Dina)

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There’s Something Not Right With You

I had no plans on going straight into college after High school. I hated school and after 12 years of it I wanted a break. All the adults around me felt differently though, and so under pressure I enrolled at…

Are You Inspired Yet?

You shouldn’t be.

People have told me I’m an inspiration before, and it seems like any time you see something on the news about cripples it’s some patronizing story about how inspiring gimpy mcgimp is. It’s bullshit.

I’m just living my life. I haven’t done anything particularly great to begin with, but for the sake of this post lets pretend I have. I’m just doing what you do. I want the same things you want.

Why is ot patronizing? It’s patronizing because by telling me that I’m inspiring for doing what I do you’ve basically just told me that I shouldn’t be doing the things you do, but somehow I’ve overcome everything and surpassed your extremely low expectations. Fuck you.

People also say if they were in my position, they couldn’t do it. Bullshit. You could be in my situation one of two ways.

1. Like me you were born this way

2. You were in an accident

If you were born this way you’d know no other way of life and you’d do what you do and get pissed every time you were called an inspiration.

If you were in an accident there would be an adjustment period, and most likely depression. But you’d come out of it, and when you did you’d move on with your life. That’s part of being human.

Disabled people aren’t really doing anything amazing, we’re just adapting to situations and circumstances, just like everyone else…It’s human nature. It’s not inspiring, it’s genetic.

Are all my faults inspirational too? I drink, I smoke, I swear, I’ve done drugs, I hate two people in this world and wish them nothing but misery, I’ve lied, I’ve stolen, I’ve cheated, I lust, i like meaningless sex, etc… I’m no different then most of you, and you sure as fuck aren’t inspiring.

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I Want To Get Punched

For some time now I’ve wanted to know what it’s like to be punched in the face.