Search Results for ‘friend’
New York
So I’ve neglected this blog for a long time. Oops. I literally get 5’s of people wanting me to update it more often, but I just haven’t been feeling creative. There have been two people who have been especially persistent about it; lovely kiwi Bebe and the also lovely and always masturbating Marina. These two are always pushing me to update.
So last night I sent a tweet to the both of them:
@bebe33 @Marinaisgo You must each pick one topic for me to blog about. Aaaaand go!
Bebe responded first with
@noarmsjames Something about your experience of NYC
And what Bebe wants, Bebe gets.
April 15th is a very important day, it’s my birthday! It’s also the birthday of the host of a little podcast known as Keith and The Girl. Like 5 people listen to it so you probably haven’t heard of it. So anyways, Keith (the host) is a huge fan of mine; I’m probably his favorite person in the world. So Keith learns about my birthday and decides that they should throw a huge party in my honor in NYC. Being modest I at first declined, but he is very persistent.
Now when I say huge party I mean huge! Two venues, 3 stand-up comics and a band. Somehow Keith got his 5 listeners to get a huge group of people to come to NYC for the party. It was huge!
I’m not going to go through a play-by-play of the whole night, but I’ll share some observations.
I’ve been to NYC many times. It has a special feel to it, one I can’t describe, but it’s unique to NYC; no other city big or small has that feeling.
Being a very old city, NYC is extremely wheelchair inaccessible. Everywhere we went that night had stairs, big flights of them. Thanks to extremely helpful KATG fan (and a good friend to boot) Kale and my best friend Bean we managed to navigate the stairs with minimal difficulty. Usually a non-accessible place doesn’t bug me, but with almost everywhere in the city being that way you can’t help but feel a little unwelcome.
NYC is also the only place I’ve been where people will literally stop in the middle of the sidewalk just to stare at me. They don’t care how blatant they are about it.
Pat Dixon is the worst comedian in the world. FUCK PAT DIXON!
KATG fans on the other hand are amazing. I’ve never felt so welcomed by a community. Everyone I met and talked to were great, and I can’t wait to hang out with everyone again.
All in all it was a great trip and a great way to spend my birthday. I wish I had one really great stand-out story from the trip, but the whole thing was amazing, and it went too fast.
Technorati Tags: music, podcast, NYC, KATG, comedy, stand-up, staring, wheelchair, accessibility, fans, twitter, birthday, April,
Site Search Tags: music, podcast, NYC, KATG, comedy, stand-up, staring, wheelchair, accessibility, fans, twitter, birthday, April,
7 comments July 9, 2009
WARNING: STUPID EMOTIONAL CONTENT INSIDE
I truly hate writing shit like this, but holding it all inside has not helped me at all.
I’m depressed, I have been for a while. I just feel like I can’t win. I’m lonely. I haven’t so much as been on a date in nearly 2 years. I go out, I meet girls, we can flirt, but at the end of the day I’m always just “A great guy”. I’m the friend to her, the “brother” she never had, etc… but never more. I’m never the crush (do people still crush?), I’m never the friend with benefits, never the hookup, and certainly never the person she loves. This happens to me all the time, and I’m just so tired of it.
I’ve had two serious relationships in my life. Both girls said they loved me. I truly believe girl #1 loved me. I’m not so sure about girl #2. I met girl # 1 before I moved to AZ. She was very upset when I told her I was moving. I asked her to come with me, but she wasn’t ready to make such a drastic move, and after the move we lost contact. 4 or 5 years ago we spoke for the first time in years and at some point she said something along the lines of “if you asked me now to move out there and marry you I would”. I don’t know how serious she was, if she was at all; but I said nothing. She’s married now and has a child. I’m really happy for her.
Girl #2…that relationship fucked me up and I don’t think we’ll talk again, and I’m very ok with that.
But here I am now…I’m lonely, very lonely. I have family & friends who love and care for me very much, and I appreciate it so much, but the love they give me is not the love that I need.
I think if I just went out and got laid it could alleviate at least some of this, but then we go back to the fact that I’m always just the friend. As much as people will try to tell me differently I know that my disability plays a large role in this. Girls in general can’t see past it. I hate this fact, but I accept it.
I thought I could pull some money together and see a hooker, but that would just make me feel worse in the end because she would just see me as a customer, and I would be out of money that I need. Right now I need more. I just need more than what I have, but I can’t get it. This just makes me more depressed. I just can’t win.
Technorati Tags: depressed, lonely, love, sex, hookup, friend, brother, lover, flirt, tired
Site Search Tags: depressed, lonely, love, sex, hookup, friend, brother, lover, flirt, tired
9 comments March 11, 2009
Thanksgiving 08
I don’t really like Thanksgiving. I’m not a big turkey fan, and it’s just too close to Christmas. We don’t need two major holidays in one month. I try to make the most of it though, and be a team player since I know lots of people do like Thanksgiving.
This Thanksgiving like most, I spent with my mother. My mother lives in the same city as me, and we live pretty close to each other. Even though we live so close, I usually go stay with her for a night or two on holidays that we’re in the same city for. This Thanksgiving was no different. It’s usually just me, her roommate, and her. This year however, were joined by my grandmother from New York, and her sister, my second aunt. I love them all, and I usually like spending time with them. The only thing I don’t like about it is that when I’m at her house, I have no access to a computer, Internet, or TV shows that I want to watch. I feel cut off from my world. It usually doesn’t bother me that much because I enjoy the time I’m spending with my family and my favorite bar is right down the street from her house.
This year was a little different…
As usual, I left my apartment in the afternoon the day before Thanksgiving and hopped a bus to get to her side of town. It had been raining on and off all day but thankfully stopped long enough for me to get there. As soon as I arrived I could feel the tension in the air, but everyone had their happy face on so I tried to ignore it. I said my hellos, got my obligatory hugs and kisses from grandma and settled in, still not knowing where the tension was coming from. I figured it out very quickly though. Every time I mother’s roommate was out of earshot, my grandmother started badmouthing her. I found her criticisms to be quite silly; for instance, she was upset the roommate had decided to bake her delicious homemade bread at around 4 PM, as this was supposedly dinnertime (we eat much later). This went on all evening, friendly in front of her, talking shit when she walked away. I ignored it, ate some dinner, and headed out my favorite bar. I haven’t been there in quite some time, and ran into quite a few people I haven’t seen in a while. It was great. I haven’t had alcohol in months, so I only had 4 pints but was quite drunk by the time I left. I got back to my mother’s place at about 1 AM and she was still awake which is very rare for her. So we sat outside and talked for a little while. She told me what I had already known, my grandmother hates her roommate. But there was more. Apparently my grandmother had been quite negative the entire trip (she’s already been in town for almost a month). She was talking shit about everyone, getting in the way, making messes (she somehow broke my mother’s coffeepot while I was there) etc. and she was driving my mother crazy. There was nothing I could do, so I laid my drunk ass down and went to sleep, knowing that tomorrow I would not be going to the bar and would have to deal with all this sober.
I woke up about 10:30 AM Thanksgiving day. Thankfully I was not hung over, and with the sweet smell of turkey roasting in the oven I thought maybe it would be a better day. Seriously, how can you be in a bad mood with all that good smelling food in the air? That tension was still in the air though, and did not get any better throughout the day. Thanksgiving dinner came and went without any real issues, it was quite delicious. My mother hasn’t done a traditional Thanksgiving dinner in a while since she and I and her roommate are not huge fans of turkey, but as I said it was quite good. After dinner my mother informed me that she was going to be driving my aunt home, I guess she had enough as well. My mother asked her roommate to go with her to help her stay awake on the way home. When my grandmother found this out she was infuriated and talked shit the entire time they were gone. As soon as my aunt got dropped off, she called my grandmother, and my grandmother bitched for about half an hour until my mother got home. When she got home my grandmother just exploded on them. She was letting obscenities fly, called the roommate a bitch and told my mother she was going to be going home early. My mother tried to defend herself but looked pretty stunned and started crying after a minute. This broke my heart; she had worked so hard to have a good Thanksgiving dinner with her mother and instead got stress and tears. She recovered pretty quickly and seemed fine for the rest of the night but didn’t talk about the fight with me at all. I have to give her roommate credit, because she could’ve just ignored my grandmother for the rest of the trip, or just in civil to her when necessary but she still tried to make conversation was quite friendly with her, which is more than I would have done in her position.
Today (Friday) was calmer, but that tension still hung in the air. I was grateful to come home. After I got home, mother and her mother had to stop by and drop off a few things that I couldn’t carry with me on my wheelchair and my grandmother was still making snide remarks under breath. Apparently she’s going to return the rental car she paid for tomorrow, and use that money to buy an early plane ticket home. I know it’s tough for my mom to see the trip and this way, but I have no doubt she’s quite relieved. She’s had enough; you could see it in her eyes and her face, and you could hear in her voice. Before I left she asked me if I would be joining her for Christmas, and made it quite clear that grandmother would not be there 
On Thanksgiving three years ago I made my mother cry and I still feel terrible about it to this day. Although I was quite sad to see her crying last night, the selfish part of me thinks “at least it wasn’t me this time”… I’m a good son
Technorati Tags: Thanksgiving, turkey, grandmother, mother, roommate, bar, drunk, pints, dinner, aunt, trip, family
Site Search Tags: Thanksgiving, turkey, grandmother, mother, roommate, bar, drunk, pints, dinner, aunt, trip, family
3 comments November 29, 2008
The Vagina Whisperer
I have a skill, one I haven’t talked about openly before. I can heal vaginas using only my words.
Let me give you an example. Earlier this evening my dear friend called me, lets call her Jane. Jane used to live here in PHX, but now resides in the Northeast. As we talked she told me that she has been menstruating for nearly a month. This isn’t uncommon for Jane, as her body is always giving her shit. As she continued on her mind-numbing PMS induced rant I stopped her. I said “Jane, put the phone to your vagina” She asked if she could put the phone on speaker, I agreed. When she gave me the ok I spoke directly to her vagina. I said in a firm voice “Vagina, stop that. Stop that right now. NO! Bad Vagina! You hear me? STOP!” Her period will be gone by the morning, guaranteed.
My skills are not limited to stopping runaway periods either. I can cure a yeast infection, I can clean a vagina out better than a summers eve douche using only words, I am the inspiration for the morning after pill, and I can cure a woman’s inability to orgasm with one word.
I am to pussy what Cesar Millian is to dogs.
I have kept this gift a secret for a very long time. I’ve feared the flood of women who would seek my help. Even before I went public with this the people at Summer’s Eve tried to have me killed. They want to stay the number one douches in the world.
But I couldn’t keep this a secret any longer, I have a gift, and the world needs to know.
Technorati Tags: cesar, millian, dog, whisperer, douche, killed, menstruation, orgasm, period, pms, pussy, summers, eve, vagina, whisperer, yeast, infection
Site Search Tags: cesar, millian, dog, whisperer, douche, killed, menstruation, orgasm, period, pms, pussy, summers, eve, vagina, whisperer, yeast, infection
12 comments October 29, 2008
Random Things
I’ve been suffering from some writers block. That’s a terrible thing when you’re a famous writer like me. Today inspiration struck me. I would write about the new 90210 even though I haven’t watched it. Unfortunately PotatoE already wrote about it. Damn you PotatoE! So I’m back to nothing to entertain you kids with. Speaking of kids, I have some advice for the kids reading this.
- Smoke – Nothing makes you cooler than cigarettes
- Drink all the time – Alcohol is really good for you
- Have unprotected sex – Condoms are for pussies
- Watch lots of TV – Why be your own person when you can get all your social cues from MTV?
- Forget schoolwork – Good grades never got anyone anywhere
- If you can’t afford something, steal it – You deserve it
- Don’t pay attention to politics – Who cares, right?
- Don’t listen to your parents – They’re full of shit
I’m gonna be an awesome parent!
Speaking of parenting, I haven’t had sex in way too long. If you’re a hot chick in the PHX area, write me. I’ll do you. This works for Tucker Max, why not me?
Ummmmm…. Follow me on Twitter, and tell your friends about this brilliant blog.
Technorati Tags: 90210, advice, alcohol, cigarettes, condoms, drink, famous, grades, inspiration, kids, MTV, parents, Phoenix, PHX, politics, school, schoolwork, sex, smoke, steal, Tucker, Max, TV, twitter, unprotected, writers, block
Site Search Tags: 90210, advice, alcohol, cigarettes, condoms, drink, famous, grades, inspiration, kids, MTV, parents, Phoenix, PHX, politics, school, schoolwork, sex, smoke, steal, Tucker, Max, TV, twitter, unprotected, writers, block
6 comments September 8, 2008
I Have A Headache
And aspirin hasn’t touched it. So I thought it would be a good idea to stare at my computer screen and write. I don’t know what to write about. So I guess I’ll just go and see what happens.
I had a good friend of mine who left the PHX four years ago come in for the weekend with his girlfriend. It was a lot of fun. While they were here I had a couple firsts.
I went to my first Hookah bar. It was really cool. I enjoyed smoking from the hookah. The only downside to this was that because of the anti-smoking laws here we had to be outside, and it was windy. There were a few times I was convinced the wind was going to blow the hot coals onto me. Call me crazy, but I don’t like being burned.
I finally tried Sushi, and loved it. They took me to Ra Sushi. I really liked it. My friends girl used to work at one in another state, and wasn’t at all impressed with the food, but I liked it (aside from the bones in my Salmon). Our waitress wouldn’t acknowledge me at all, which should piss me off, but isn’t for some reason.
All in all it was a great weekend and I was sad to see them go.
I’ve also realized that I am indeed getting old. Besides the receding hairline that’s getting harder to ignore, I’ve noticed some other changes in me.
I can’t party like I used to. When I was in my early 20’s it was easy to recover from a night of partying, now I need a full day (at least) to be back to normal.
I don’t get young people. While at the Hookah bar I was looking at the people there, mostly kids in their late teens to early twenties, and I just don’t get them. I couldn’t relate to them anymore, and would feel real uncomfortable surrounded by them myself. I’m sure they’re okay, but I don’t get ‘em.
I don’t like much new music. Most of the music in my collection is from the ’90’s and early 2000’s. On Sirius about the only station I’ll listen to music-wise is Lithium (90’s alternative). I think most of the music today is crap, and the only stuff I’ll get that’s new is from bands that I listened to years ago that are still putting out stuff now.
While we’re on the subject, everyone should go out and buy Filters latest album “Anthems For The Damned”, which is amazing (like almost all their stuff).
I’ve rambled on long enough.
Until next time kids.
Technorati Tags: headache, aspirin, write, friends, Phoenix, girlfriend, fun, hookah, coals, smoke, anti-smoking, burned, Sushi, ra, food, bones, salmon, old, receding, party, recover, hangover, young, people, music, alternative, filter, Anthems, For, The, Damned, hairline
Site Search Tags: headache, aspirin, write, friends, Phoenix, girlfriend, fun, hookah, coals, smoke, anti-smoking, burned, Sushi, ra, food, bones, salmon, old, receding, party, recover, hangover, young, people, music, alternative, filter, Anthems, For, The, Damned, hairline
4 comments August 28, 2008
I think too much
I told myself when I started this blog I wasn’t going to write about really personal stuff. I don’t want it to get all emo, but I got things on my mind, so feel free to skip this.
I was watching this documentary on gimp life and I was thinking on how although it’s an absolutely amazing documentary I felt it didn’t touch on a few things I thought it should.
It didn’t touch on how most of us cripples live below the poverty line, and how hard that is.
It made me think I should go right out and get a job. Then I remembered that while I could get a job that would pay the rent and feed me pretty easily, I would lose my insurance, not only does that insurance cover health, it covers my wheelchair ($14,000), and it covers my attendants ($10.50/hour, 40 hours a week). I couldn’t afford either one of those things on my own, and insurance that would pay for them would be way out of my range. So I guess I stay broke for now.
That made me think I need to go back to school, but even if I go get my bachelors degree, will I get a job that pays well enough to cover those expenses? I don’t know. I may end up being poor forever.
That makes me think I could be single forever. No girl wants to be with a guy who’s completely broke. Out of my three best friends 2 are married, one is engaged, one has a child and another one on the way, one has his first on the way. Meanwhile I’m not even dating. I’m pushing 30 and I’m way behind. It’s lonely, and I’m afraid it may be my reality for a while.
I hate nights like this, when I over think things. Hopefully when I wake up I’ll be over it.
Technorati Tags: cripple, gimp, poor, lonely, insurance, documentary, wheelchair, single, kids, marriage, think, emo
Site Search Tags: cripple, gimp, poor, lonely, insurance, documentary, wheelchair, single, kids, marriage, think, emo
5 comments July 29, 2008
How I smoke (for Dina)
Technorati Tags: Cripple, barack, obama, john, mccain, sex, drugs, cape, cod, wkkl, weed, pot, high, stoned, cape, cod, community, college, college, radio, friends
Site Search Tags: Cripple, barack, obama, john, mccain, sex, drugs, cape, cod, wkkl, weed, pot, high, stoned, cape, cod, community, college, college, radio, friends
1 comment July 23, 2008
