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Values and whatnot
A couple of days ago I put a question out to two folks on Twitter asking them to ask me questions I could blog about. This is part two.
Marina responded with a bunch ‘o questions:
Marinaisgo @noarmsjames ohoh!! Uummmm! The value of education, food, your cat, dead michael jackson, dancing, fucking, perfume, grandmas, cookies. GO!!
Holy shit…
Education: Have you seen the kids today? They’re fucking retarded, so I would say education in it’s current state is shit, and it’s only getting worse. It’s a shame.
These days schools just try to jam facts down the kids throats so they can pass tests to make the school look good. If schools taught skills like critical thinking and common sense education would be great again, but as it stands now it’s rubbish.
Food: I honestly am not a huge fan of it. I eat so I don’t die, that’s about it. I wish we didn’t have to eat.
My cat: As I type this he’s making a shit ton of noise and running around like a mad man. He has destroyed all my furniture, will only shit when I’m in the bathroom showering or brushing my teeth. He covers his shit poorly so I am forced to smell it too. He does this on purpose. I live in constant fear of the next time he will attack my foot and not let go until blood is drawn, he won’t let anyone pet him, and sheds more than Farrah Fawcett after a chemo treatment (too soon?). Basically, he’s an asshole. However when I get into bed and he cuddles up next to me, nuzzling his head in between my neck and shoulder and purs me to sleep I remember why I love him so much and wouldn’t trade him for anything.
Dead Michael Jackson: Honestly, I could care less. I don’t care how talented he was, I find the worship of him after his death obscene. Good riddance.
Dancing: Have you ever seen a person in a wheelchair on the dance floor? It looks ridiculous. I don’t care for it one bit. I support the Footloose town elders.
Fucking: I haven’t had sex in a long time, too long. I love sex. Sex is amazing, and it’s so versatile. You can have dirty kinky sex with a total stranger and never see them again with no regrets, or you can make love to someone you love and feel connected to them in ways not possible without it. It’s great.
I also love the word fucking; it’s equally as versatile.
Perfume: Who cares? Go fuck yourself.
Grandmas: Depends. I miss my paternal grandma a ton. She was the best. She was always there for me. Interesting fact about her. She was married four times; she married three different guys all named Joe, and they all died. Then she married an older guy named Cliff who had health problems and he outlived her.
My other grandma….Just read this and draw your own conclusions.
Cookies: Although I don’t love food, I have a soft spot for peanut butter cookies…omnomnom!
I hope you feel closer to me now.
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3 comments July 11, 2009
Constipated
I’m mentally constipated. I haven’t been able to think of anything to write since Thanksgiving. Even now, as I write this I’m having trouble. I have no idea what to write. Since nothing is going on in my life right now worth noting, I figured I’d entertain you all with a few stories of little NoArmsJames. Whenever I’m with my mother she loves telling stories about my childhood, and since Christmas just passed and I was with her they’re fresh in my memory.
Having no arms or legs means that I have a smaller body and can fit into smaller places. When I was very young, maybe two or three I used to love hiding and playing in the kitchen cabinets. Apparently one day while I was playing in there I thought it would be a good idea to throw all my mother’s Tupperware out of the cabinet. I don’t know why, I guess I wanted more room. So I grabbed all the Tupperware, one piece at a time and literally threw each piece out into the kitchen with my little foot. When I came out my mother told me now I had to put all the Tupperware away again. Apparently I looked right at her and said “but mommy, I don’t have any arms or legs” she countered with something to the effect that, if I was able to throw everything out of the cabinet, then I was quite capable of putting everything back in. I refused, and she took one of my favorite toys away for me. I never saw that toy again. My mother has no pity for the disabled.
When I was about a year and a half old my parents had another child, Stephen. Unfortunately Stephen had severe health problems and only lived about a month. Even though I had no brother that I could remember, I had my little cousin Craig. Craig was like my brother, and just like a little brother would do whatever I said.
So one day when I was about five, while Craig and his mother were visiting we got into a little mischief. Craig and I were upstairs in my bedroom, my mother and his were downstairs doing whatever it is mother do when they’re together. So Craig and I went exploring my mother’s bedroom and bathroom. We found where she kept the perfume and brought a bottle back to my room. We then proceeded to dump the entire bottle all over my room. My mother, becoming uneasy by how quiet we were being made her way upstairs to check on us. As she tells it, she knew it was bad about halfway up the stairs as the smell hit her. I don’t remember the conversation that took place, but I do remember knowing that I was in a lot of trouble because she didn’t yell. Even at five I could sense this was some serious shit I was in. I can still remember looking at her, seeing her outwardly calm demeanor, which I had never seen after doing something bad. I remember that sense of dread… I was fucked. I don’t remember what my punishment was, but to this day I still get uneasy when I think about that calm anger.
Throughout my childhood, I got spanked maybe three times. I only remember once, right after I called my father a mean old bastard.
I don’t remember this next story at all, so I must’ve been very young. I was with my mother at the grocery store and saw some little treat or something that I wanted, so she got it for me. A little while later I saw another treat that I wanted and asked for that as well. She told me that we didn’t have enough money for two treats and I could only have one. I protested just a little bit, and she told me sharply no, apparently I put my head down, closed my eyes and said “please don’t hit me”. My mother says that everyone around us had a mortified look on their face, wondering how she could hit this poor defenseless handicapped child. The funniest part about this story is, that she’s pretty sure that I had never even been spanked at this point in my life. I would go back in time just to see the look on the people’s faces. Man I ruled.
Those are the three stories she told me this Christmas, I’ll get more the next time I see her.
In the meantime I’ll try to find more things to write about. Maybe she sent me pictures of your tits, it would get my creative juices flowing… Just a thought.
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3 comments January 3, 2009
Random Things
I’ve been suffering from some writers block. That’s a terrible thing when you’re a famous writer like me. Today inspiration struck me. I would write about the new 90210 even though I haven’t watched it. Unfortunately PotatoE already wrote about it. Damn you PotatoE! So I’m back to nothing to entertain you kids with. Speaking of kids, I have some advice for the kids reading this.
- Smoke – Nothing makes you cooler than cigarettes
- Drink all the time – Alcohol is really good for you
- Have unprotected sex – Condoms are for pussies
- Watch lots of TV – Why be your own person when you can get all your social cues from MTV?
- Forget schoolwork – Good grades never got anyone anywhere
- If you can’t afford something, steal it – You deserve it
- Don’t pay attention to politics – Who cares, right?
- Don’t listen to your parents – They’re full of shit
I’m gonna be an awesome parent!
Speaking of parenting, I haven’t had sex in way too long. If you’re a hot chick in the PHX area, write me. I’ll do you. This works for Tucker Max, why not me?
Ummmmm…. Follow me on Twitter, and tell your friends about this brilliant blog.
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6 comments September 8, 2008
I Have A Headache
And aspirin hasn’t touched it. So I thought it would be a good idea to stare at my computer screen and write. I don’t know what to write about. So I guess I’ll just go and see what happens.
I had a good friend of mine who left the PHX four years ago come in for the weekend with his girlfriend. It was a lot of fun. While they were here I had a couple firsts.
I went to my first Hookah bar. It was really cool. I enjoyed smoking from the hookah. The only downside to this was that because of the anti-smoking laws here we had to be outside, and it was windy. There were a few times I was convinced the wind was going to blow the hot coals onto me. Call me crazy, but I don’t like being burned.
I finally tried Sushi, and loved it. They took me to Ra Sushi. I really liked it. My friends girl used to work at one in another state, and wasn’t at all impressed with the food, but I liked it (aside from the bones in my Salmon). Our waitress wouldn’t acknowledge me at all, which should piss me off, but isn’t for some reason.
All in all it was a great weekend and I was sad to see them go.
I’ve also realized that I am indeed getting old. Besides the receding hairline that’s getting harder to ignore, I’ve noticed some other changes in me.
I can’t party like I used to. When I was in my early 20’s it was easy to recover from a night of partying, now I need a full day (at least) to be back to normal.
I don’t get young people. While at the Hookah bar I was looking at the people there, mostly kids in their late teens to early twenties, and I just don’t get them. I couldn’t relate to them anymore, and would feel real uncomfortable surrounded by them myself. I’m sure they’re okay, but I don’t get ‘em.
I don’t like much new music. Most of the music in my collection is from the ’90’s and early 2000’s. On Sirius about the only station I’ll listen to music-wise is Lithium (90’s alternative). I think most of the music today is crap, and the only stuff I’ll get that’s new is from bands that I listened to years ago that are still putting out stuff now.
While we’re on the subject, everyone should go out and buy Filters latest album “Anthems For The Damned”, which is amazing (like almost all their stuff).
I’ve rambled on long enough.
Until next time kids.
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4 comments August 28, 2008
I think too much
I told myself when I started this blog I wasn’t going to write about really personal stuff. I don’t want it to get all emo, but I got things on my mind, so feel free to skip this.
I was watching this documentary on gimp life and I was thinking on how although it’s an absolutely amazing documentary I felt it didn’t touch on a few things I thought it should.
It didn’t touch on how most of us cripples live below the poverty line, and how hard that is.
It made me think I should go right out and get a job. Then I remembered that while I could get a job that would pay the rent and feed me pretty easily, I would lose my insurance, not only does that insurance cover health, it covers my wheelchair ($14,000), and it covers my attendants ($10.50/hour, 40 hours a week). I couldn’t afford either one of those things on my own, and insurance that would pay for them would be way out of my range. So I guess I stay broke for now.
That made me think I need to go back to school, but even if I go get my bachelors degree, will I get a job that pays well enough to cover those expenses? I don’t know. I may end up being poor forever.
That makes me think I could be single forever. No girl wants to be with a guy who’s completely broke. Out of my three best friends 2 are married, one is engaged, one has a child and another one on the way, one has his first on the way. Meanwhile I’m not even dating. I’m pushing 30 and I’m way behind. It’s lonely, and I’m afraid it may be my reality for a while.
I hate nights like this, when I over think things. Hopefully when I wake up I’ll be over it.
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5 comments July 29, 2008
