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Values and whatnot
A couple of days ago I put a question out to two folks on Twitter asking them to ask me questions I could blog about. This is part two.
Marina responded with a bunch ‘o questions:
Marinaisgo @noarmsjames ohoh!! Uummmm! The value of education, food, your cat, dead michael jackson, dancing, fucking, perfume, grandmas, cookies. GO!!
Holy shit…
Education: Have you seen the kids today? They’re fucking retarded, so I would say education in it’s current state is shit, and it’s only getting worse. It’s a shame.
These days schools just try to jam facts down the kids throats so they can pass tests to make the school look good. If schools taught skills like critical thinking and common sense education would be great again, but as it stands now it’s rubbish.
Food: I honestly am not a huge fan of it. I eat so I don’t die, that’s about it. I wish we didn’t have to eat.
My cat: As I type this he’s making a shit ton of noise and running around like a mad man. He has destroyed all my furniture, will only shit when I’m in the bathroom showering or brushing my teeth. He covers his shit poorly so I am forced to smell it too. He does this on purpose. I live in constant fear of the next time he will attack my foot and not let go until blood is drawn, he won’t let anyone pet him, and sheds more than Farrah Fawcett after a chemo treatment (too soon?). Basically, he’s an asshole. However when I get into bed and he cuddles up next to me, nuzzling his head in between my neck and shoulder and purs me to sleep I remember why I love him so much and wouldn’t trade him for anything.
Dead Michael Jackson: Honestly, I could care less. I don’t care how talented he was, I find the worship of him after his death obscene. Good riddance.
Dancing: Have you ever seen a person in a wheelchair on the dance floor? It looks ridiculous. I don’t care for it one bit. I support the Footloose town elders.
Fucking: I haven’t had sex in a long time, too long. I love sex. Sex is amazing, and it’s so versatile. You can have dirty kinky sex with a total stranger and never see them again with no regrets, or you can make love to someone you love and feel connected to them in ways not possible without it. It’s great.
I also love the word fucking; it’s equally as versatile.
Perfume: Who cares? Go fuck yourself.
Grandmas: Depends. I miss my paternal grandma a ton. She was the best. She was always there for me. Interesting fact about her. She was married four times; she married three different guys all named Joe, and they all died. Then she married an older guy named Cliff who had health problems and he outlived her.
My other grandma….Just read this and draw your own conclusions.
Cookies: Although I don’t love food, I have a soft spot for peanut butter cookies…omnomnom!
I hope you feel closer to me now.
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3 comments July 11, 2009
WARNING: STUPID EMOTIONAL CONTENT INSIDE
I truly hate writing shit like this, but holding it all inside has not helped me at all.
I’m depressed, I have been for a while. I just feel like I can’t win. I’m lonely. I haven’t so much as been on a date in nearly 2 years. I go out, I meet girls, we can flirt, but at the end of the day I’m always just “A great guy”. I’m the friend to her, the “brother” she never had, etc… but never more. I’m never the crush (do people still crush?), I’m never the friend with benefits, never the hookup, and certainly never the person she loves. This happens to me all the time, and I’m just so tired of it.
I’ve had two serious relationships in my life. Both girls said they loved me. I truly believe girl #1 loved me. I’m not so sure about girl #2. I met girl # 1 before I moved to AZ. She was very upset when I told her I was moving. I asked her to come with me, but she wasn’t ready to make such a drastic move, and after the move we lost contact. 4 or 5 years ago we spoke for the first time in years and at some point she said something along the lines of “if you asked me now to move out there and marry you I would”. I don’t know how serious she was, if she was at all; but I said nothing. She’s married now and has a child. I’m really happy for her.
Girl #2…that relationship fucked me up and I don’t think we’ll talk again, and I’m very ok with that.
But here I am now…I’m lonely, very lonely. I have family & friends who love and care for me very much, and I appreciate it so much, but the love they give me is not the love that I need.
I think if I just went out and got laid it could alleviate at least some of this, but then we go back to the fact that I’m always just the friend. As much as people will try to tell me differently I know that my disability plays a large role in this. Girls in general can’t see past it. I hate this fact, but I accept it.
I thought I could pull some money together and see a hooker, but that would just make me feel worse in the end because she would just see me as a customer, and I would be out of money that I need. Right now I need more. I just need more than what I have, but I can’t get it. This just makes me more depressed. I just can’t win.
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9 comments March 11, 2009
Neanderthal Boogie
Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel and I had just gotten into the hot tub. Jessica Alba thought it might be a good idea if we had a contest to see who the best kisser was. She leaned in to kiss me, I closed my eyes as we move closer and… BANG BANG BANG! I was jolted awake; it was 9:30 AM and that banging scared the shit out of me, but what was it? BANG BANG BANG again, someone at my door. Then I hear a key slipping in the keyhole and turning. Now I’m freaking out. “Hello James, it’s Paul from maintenance”. I’m no longer freaked out, Paul is a nice guy, and brings any notices from the management into my apartment, instead of just leaving it on the door. He has a woman with him, the new apartment manager. He informs me that on Friday the entire building is being fogged for bugs. “But I don’t have bugs” I told him smugly, obviously I just won this little encounter. Then the new manager stepped in; “yes, but if we fog every apartment except yours then all the bugs will just make their way in here.” Well played manager lady, well played. So I begin to ask some questions such as; how long will I have to be out of the apartment for? Will it affect my electronics? Can you hold off until the afternoon so that my attendant can get me in my chair and outside?
These seem like coherent, intelligent questions to me, but apparently not to manager lady. She asks me if I have a “social worker” she can talk to so that they can explain these things to me. It took everything I had not to spit in her face and call her a dirty fucking whore for that comment. I maintain my composure and explain to her that I will explain everything to my attendant and the apartment will be ready on Friday. They leave, I calmed down and read through the list I was given of things to do to prepare the apartment for fogging. The day progresses, my attendant has arrived, I’m calm everything is good. I have my daily shower, I’m in my bedroom, not dressed yet, hair still wet, fucking sexy as hell. My attendant is getting my clothes when BANG BANG BANG at the door again. What the fuck? My attendant goes to the door and answers. It’s Paul again. I don’t go out there because I’m naked but I hear everything. Manager lady has sent Paul to ask my attendant how to get in touch with my social worker, so that they can make sure I understand what’s going on. Are you fucking kidding me? I was fuming, I almost rolled out there butt ass naked to tell this guy what is up. My attendant attempts to explain that I am competent, and that there is no social worker, or anyone else. I handle my own affairs. So he says okay. I was furious for the rest of the day and into the night. If I had gone down there right then, I would probably have been evicted for calling her a cunt and spitting in her face. Today my other attendant was here, she’s a very timid, soft-spoken woman. She spent a good part of the day getting the apartment ready for tomorrow’s fogging. At one point she went to go check my mail, which happens to be right next to the manager’s office. Manager lady approaches her and asks again for my social worker. I told earlier in the day what happened the day before and how angry it made me, she completely understood. So my timid attendant explains to manager lady how angry I was about this, that there is nothing wrong with my mind, and that it is rude for her to assume that because I have a physical disability, I also have a mental disability, and that she needs to stop stereotyping me. Manager lady says that she senses I was angry and she feels bad about that. Before the conversation ends though, she asks one more time if there’s someone she can call to make sure that I understand what is going on… My attendant, is now just as angry as I am, and is seriously wondering if perhaps manager lady needs a social worker of her own.
The stereotype of every disabled person having a mental disability as well has always bothered me. It’s silly, old world thinking, and if you believe it then you are just an ignorant fuck, and you deserve to be ass raped by a tiger.
Usually when confronted with someone who assumes that I’m a retard, I just set them straight and can quickly laugh it off. This time though, being insulted like that in my own home has really angered me, and beyond anger it hurt me. I don’t know why I’m so much more bothered by this incident, but I am. I don’t know how I’ll deal with this lady the next time I see her; I can’t just put on a fake smile and pretend everything is okay, and I can’t let my anger take control because if I do and I cross the line I could be evicted. Normally, finding the middle ground is easy for me but not this time. Any suggestions?
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12 comments February 6, 2009
Cathouse: The Series
For those who are unfamiliar, Cathouse: The Series is a reality series on HBO about the staff and patrons of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch; a legal brothel in Nevada. The series takes place almost entirely inside the brothel, featuring interviews with the girls, the owner, Dennis Hof, and it’s basically a lighthearted look at working inside a brothel. Another feature of the show is showing what happens inside a “party”; the actual sex customers pay for with the girls. This basically gives HBO an excuse to show softcore pornography without having to show those cheesy movies like they do on Cinemax. It’s an okay show, but I’m not sure how I feel about it.
I have absolutely nothing against prostitution; I’ll probably end up seeing a hooker one day. If anything, I actually wish it were legal nationwide. If it were legal, it would be a nice revenue stream for the states (taxes), and it would be much safer for everyone involved. It would also be strictly regulated, all of the girls would be regularly tested for sexual transmitted diseases, drugs, etc., it would eliminate pimps, and if properly regulated would help cut down on sex trafficking.
My problem with the show is in watching the girls do their “parties”. I think it would be fun to visit the Bunny Ranch, and there are a couple of girls working there that I think are absolutely beautiful; one’s I would like to see if I went. But… I’ve seen these girls fucking.
Logically I know what these girls do for a living. I know that they have sex multiple times a day with many different men, all for money. And I’m okay with that. It totally changes for me though once I’ve actually seen them having sex with these different men. That’s a real turnoff for me.
Another big turnoff is knowing that most of these girls have sex with the owner, Dennis Hof. Dennis seems a cool guy; he’s personable, funny, and he’s a very smart businessman. But he’s also an old fat guy. Sorry if you’re reading this Dennis, but it’s true. Its one thing to suspect that they’re doing it, it’s another thing entirely to know, especially when he’s always hanging around there and it’s possible you’d run into him while there. Maybe for some guys that’s a turn on, but not for this guy.
I wonder if there are other guys like me, guys that wouldn’t mind seeing a hooker but are turned off by actually having seen them have sex with other men?
If there are, there must not be many of us because if there were, the Bunny Ranch would lose so much business, but it seems to be doing okay even in the midst of a recession.
You know what, who am I kidding? If I had the chance to go there, I totally would! I’d go, I’d see the girl I want to see, even if I’d seen her on the show, and I’d have a hell of a good time. I guess perversion and curiosity trump personal reservations every time. Go team horny!
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3 comments November 24, 2008
Devotees, Fetishists, Wannabe’s and Fakers
Man this blog is all over the place, but it’s my blog so deal with it.
I’m going to talk a little bit about Devotees, Fetishists, Wannabe’s and Fakers as they pertain to disability culture; and more specifically the amputee culture. I realize that I’m not technically an amputee, but with my missing limbs it’s the group I identify best with.
First, a little background on each (as I see them):
Devotee: Sometimes known as a “devo”. Amputee devotees are usually male, though there are females as well. A devo is someone who feels a strong initial attraction to amputees. In my eyes it’s not all that different from someone liking blonde’s over brunettes, Asians over Caucasians, etc…
Fetishist: A fetishist is like a devo, but they view the person as an object. They will lie, pretend to be someone else, pretend to be interested in an amputee to get close to them, get what they want, regardless of the effect this has on the other person. It’s purely an attraction to the amputation for them.
Wannabe: A wannabe is someone who quite simply wants to be disabled
Faker: A faker is someone who wants to be disabled, so they pretend they are. They use crutches, wheelchairs, bind their limbs to look like an amputee, etc…
In my eyes devotees are ok. Ii like the idea of someone actually liking my disability, as opposed to just being ok with it. Devo’s actually care about the person they are with, not just the disability.
It’s the other three I’m not too fond of.
Fetishists are just creepy. They literally prey on the disabled. Just about any cripple online, including me has stories about these scum. Sometimes they come on directly, sending an IM or message telling you how beautiful you are then asking for pics with your shirt off, etc… The more sinister of them will pretend to be someone else, and try to lure you in. Once, shortly after I began being open about my disability online, I started communicating with “Zana”, a lovely young lady from Atlanta who claimed to be a devotee. We exchanged emails, “she” started asking a lot of questions about how I do what I do, etc…Pretty normal stuff. We got close. Shortly after “she” started asking for pics of me in my boxers and nothing else, close-ups of my shoulders, my foot, you get the idea. As soon as I said no, “she” disappeared. I found “her” once on a site that was exposing fetishists. It was a male fetishist who was doing this to a bunch of amputees. Creepy
Wannabes and fakers kind of creep me out too, but for different reasons. I cannot wrap my head around the concept of being able-bodied and not wanting to be. I realize that it’s similar to people who wish to be a different sex, and I get it intellectually, but not emotionally. People who wish to be a different sex don’t bother me at all, but wannabes and fakers do. I guess it’s because I’m in a way, what they desire to become, while I would do just about anything not to be like this.
I saw a documentary once on wannabes/fakers. There was a man who so desired to be an amputee. Doctors refused to amputate a healthy leg, so he took a shotgun and shot his leg off. I was so disturbed and angered by this that I was nauseous. I couldn’t watch the rest of the film.
Well, now you know a little tiny bit about dis culture, you’re welcome.
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7 comments September 10, 2008
Random Things
I’ve been suffering from some writers block. That’s a terrible thing when you’re a famous writer like me. Today inspiration struck me. I would write about the new 90210 even though I haven’t watched it. Unfortunately PotatoE already wrote about it. Damn you PotatoE! So I’m back to nothing to entertain you kids with. Speaking of kids, I have some advice for the kids reading this.
- Smoke – Nothing makes you cooler than cigarettes
- Drink all the time – Alcohol is really good for you
- Have unprotected sex – Condoms are for pussies
- Watch lots of TV – Why be your own person when you can get all your social cues from MTV?
- Forget schoolwork – Good grades never got anyone anywhere
- If you can’t afford something, steal it – You deserve it
- Don’t pay attention to politics – Who cares, right?
- Don’t listen to your parents – They’re full of shit
I’m gonna be an awesome parent!
Speaking of parenting, I haven’t had sex in way too long. If you’re a hot chick in the PHX area, write me. I’ll do you. This works for Tucker Max, why not me?
Ummmmm…. Follow me on Twitter, and tell your friends about this brilliant blog.
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6 comments September 8, 2008
I Can’t Read
Well, I mean I can, and I can write too! My problem is every time I try to read a book, by the time I’m done with the first page I’m tired. Not like a little tired, like exhausted tired. You know that kind of fatigue you feel after Thanksgiving dinner (I suppose you vegetarians and vegans don’t know. I just don’t understand veggers. You give up meat for your “health” and end up looking like chemo patients, all pale and frighteningly thin. I mean if you wanna look like that, why not just develop an eating disorder? You’ll get the same look and save money on food. And also, if you don’t wanna eat meat then why do you have all this mock meat? If you hate meat so much why are you making bullshit that tastes and feels like meat? Moron. You know what really gets me though? The ones who do it ‘for the animals’. Seriously, how many animals do you think you saved by giving up meat? Let me tell you…NONE! Not one cow, chicken, fish, or pig was saved. Your sacrifice was for nothing. And while we’re on the subject; why are all male veggers such pussies? Every guy vegger I’ve seen is an emo, pseudo-intellectual, “indie” music (news flash: When you’re signed to a label and have fans everywhere it’s not indie anymore) loving, transparent, emaciated, borderline homosexual? Does lack of meat turn off your testosterone flow while turning up the estrogen and simultaneously making you an unbearable prick? I mean, it might be cool when you’re 16 and all the dumb teenage girls think you’re so deep, but when you’re 30 it makes you a douche, and a worthy candidate for an ass kicking.)?
Shit, I don’t remember what I was talking about.
Oh well.
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2 comments August 17, 2008
How I smoke (for Dina)
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1 comment July 23, 2008
